Day 3 Of My Ice Cream Cleanse
The Conclusion To This Ice Cream Experiment
~4 a.m.: I’m having dreams/nightmares about eating bacon wrapped ice cream and breaking my cleanse diet before its fully over. What was truly terrifying wasn’t that I actually thought this bacon ice cream was the best thing ever, but the notion that because I broke the diet early, I had to go through another 3 days of this in order to fully complete it from start to finish.
7:15 a.m.: Wake up for realsies and I feel as soon as I’m vertical, I feel an awkward rumbling feeling in my stomach similar to what I felt during the wee hours yesterday. O shit! I run to the bathroom… Luckily it’s just the rumblings of hunger and not hurling. As a bead of cold sweat rolls down my forehead, I realize it’s going to be THAT kind of morning.
8:11 a.m.: Day 3 – Meal 1: The novelty of the blueberry froyo has lost it’s appeal on me. The first bite reminds me of bile, continuing this theme of awfulness I’ve had for the past 4 hours. I realize every meal is going to taste a bit like barf unless I change my mindset. I begin to meditate and think of the positives. I’m eating ice cream for every single meal, a dream that 5-year old me would kill for. I’m not too achy or experiencing any migraines (which sometimes accompany cleanses). Also, because I drive to work, the ice cream had ample time to thaw, and is now ahead of the curve in softness. So after adjusting my mindset, I plug two successive spoonfuls into my mouth to overcome my fear. I am rewarded as I am reminded of the Jamba Juice analogy I came up with a mere 48 hours ago. Phew, this final day is going to take a bit of resolve, but I’ll power through it.
9:45 a.m.: I’m not hungry, but I do miss different flavors and textures- meats, pastas, even SALADS. Gotta stay “positive” though.
10:45 a.m.: Day 3 – Meal 2: Not sure if this is because of how light the flavor is, or if it’s because of my new outlook and positive thinking that I now think this is probably the best flavor of the cleanse. About 2/3 of the way through the pint, my tongue is numb and I’m pretty much just shoveling the stuff into my mouth like it’s densely packed shaved ice. Still good though.
11:40 a.m.: I’m suddenly downtrodden as I realize it’s almost lunch time. I used to love lunch. Now I can look forward to *sigh* Himalayan Salted Chocolate.
12:15 p.m.: As everyone else at work is eating delicious carbs and meats, my natural jaunty like demeanor begins to wane. I’m going to take a nap and come back to lunch later when less foods are around.
12:50 p.m.: Nap was super. Ready to tackle this pint.
1:00 p.m.: Day 3 – Meal 3: Himalayan Salted Chocolate: After a little thaw, the ice cream is ready to eat. Some of my coworkers try it and have mixed reviews. One really likes it, another hates it. I’m somewhere in the middle, leaning closer to hating it at this moment. Not sure what’s more bitter- me, or this dark ass salted chocolate. I keep repeating that I need to stay positive, but I have no idea who I think I’m fooling. Then again, if this cleanse was easy, they’d call it your mom…. cold burn.
3:20 p.m.: Because I’m at work, I can’t really do my hot yoga. Not that I really want to though since I’ll be all sweaty at work, it’s just that I’ll need to remember to exercise the second I go home.
4:27 p.m. Day 3 – Meal 4: Lemon Cayenne Master Cleanse: Late afternoon snack time. I let the ice cream sit in the fridge for the past 3.5 hours, so it’s pretty soft and ready to eat. This is actually the way to go when eating this, as I am no longer scraping for shavings. I can actually get full spoonfuls and eat it with my normal vigor and enthusiasm. Furthermore, because it’s not icy cold, I can taste the cayenne more in the aftertaste. I feel like I’ve been re-energized. Not as much because of the flavors or its energizing properties. It’s just realize that I’m only 7.5 hours away from ending this cleanse.
4:37 p.m.: I finish this pint in almost record time. This was because 1) It was melted and I could get decent sized spoonfuls, and 2) I wasn’t even really paying attention to the flavors. I was just strategizing what my first disgustingly fatty meal should be after my body is toxin free from the cleanse. Nothing like undoing all your hard work in one go! Am I right?
5:40 p.m.: I leave work to go to the gym and weigh myself.
6:00 p.m.: Arrive at the gym. Time for the scale. New weight? 152 lbs! In the 3 days I’ve “cleansed” myself, I’ve lost nearly 3 lbs. Take that Biggest Loser! Who’s the loser now?! Wait, that came out wrong. In may jubilation and I feel energized beyond description, so I decide to run a 7:15 mile. I proceed to succeed in my run, rehydrate a ton, and go home to pat myself on the back for job well done.
8:30 p.m. Day 3 – Meal 5: Superfoods. The honey cinnamon coconut is aiite, but not as good as yesterday or the day before. My mouth is clearly ready to taste something greasy, and my brain is not helping by inviting memories of their taste to enter my mouth. As a result, I’m somehow tasting the ice cream in a coconut, honey-cinnamon, rosemary Parmesan, french-fry debacle. The mind is a powerful thing. Don’t fuck with it. After swallowing, I recenter my focus, only tasting the flavors at hand. It’s tastes better than before, but I’m already filling up fast. So far today, I’ve had 100% of every pint (minus the few nibbles I shared with coworkers). Therefore I think it’s ok to call it a little early and get ready for tomorrow. Besides, come midnight I plan on picking up a pizza, and having the cold leftovers tomorrow for breakfast.
9:50 p.m.: The ice cream has expanded in my stomach since eating, and now I’m pretty ridiculously full. I’m actually kinda glad I didn’t finish the pint otherwise I’d probably feel like hurling. I still plan on picking up the pizza though, I just won’t eat any tonight.
CONCLUSIONS ABOUT THE CLEANSE:
As much as I complain and bitch about it, cleanses are not supposed to be easy. If they were, then everyone would do it. That said, there are definitely some parts that are better than a normal juice cleanse, and definitely some parts that could use improvements.
Better than a regular cleanse because: Feel full after eating, no migraines, and the ability to tell people your on an ice cream cleanse because they won’t judge you the way they would if you said you were on a juice cleanse.
Could use some improvements: Alternative flavors for each meal in case people don’t like certain flavors. This also helps to give diversity and people won’t be tired of a flavor after a certain day. Don’t make your ice cream look like up-chuck (I’m talking about the Meal 5 Superfoods). If you tell people to exercise, make sure it isn’t weight lifting or explosive exercises. Finally, the price may be comparable with other cleanses, but it still can be considered a lot to some. Perhaps consider giving a discount on future purchases if they buy the cleanse at full price?
Yes, those are actually my before and after weights (I take off my shoes on the scale because I know those add a few lbs).
I’m totally Kidding about the selfies by the way. All I did was puff out my stomach on the left, and flex/smile on the right. My actual physique is somewhere in between those two ends. I mean, I’m even wearing the same pants after all. Now take those P90X or any other weight loss infomercial before & after photos with a grain of salt from now on haha.
Welp, that’s all for my ice cream cleanse. I hope you enjoyed living through my experience.
Edit 1: It’s been two weeks since the cleanse ended, and I still haven’t gained back all three lbs I lost. I’ve more or less returned to my former diet, although I wasn’t craving junk foods as much as I would have thought after the cleanse is over. Even though I said I’d pick up a pizza afterwards, when I took my first bite, it didn’t really taste that good, so I wasn’t really diving head first back into junk food the way I thought I would. Maybe my diet has subtly changed and this is my new normal weight.
Edit 2: It’s been another two weeks, and I’ve gained back the rest of the 3 lbs. I’m not terribly surprised, because after Edit 1, I’ve gone to a couple of bars, gotten more of an appetite to eat fast food, and likely re-consumed all toxins lost during the cleanse. But still, 3 lbs off for a month is pretty darn good, when you consider I really didn’t change too much about myself after the diet.